Perfect Pumpkins

So, I take Emmie to Whole Foods on Saturday to buy food to host supper club that night.  I'm all excited because they have a spectacular pumpkin patch displayed out front.  Ems is all excited because the Humane Society is also set up out front doing an adopt-a-thon, and she has fallen madly in love with a three legged dog with the longest tongue I've ever seen in my life.

Seriously, the dog could give you a kiss from three feet away.  Which is a good thing since it would take him a while to walk three feet on three legs.

Anyway, I correctly summized there was a better chance of Daddy allowing Emmie to adopt a pumpkin than a new dog; an assumption that was immediately confirmed upon my arrival home.

I got myself all worked up over these amazing gourds.  And would you look at these?  Are they not the most gorgeous 'kins you've ever seen????  They are called Fairy Tale Pumpkins, and I think that's a perfect fit.  I can see sprawling patches of them spanning the outer perimeter of a pink fairy tale castle.

I texted Buzzard the above photo.  He wrote back and said get one!

I wrote back with the news that Fairy Tale pumpkins come at a very dear cost.

He wrote back and said to pick a small one.

I wrote back that I was very happy he was my Buzzard.

I then showered Emmie with the happy news that Daddy said we could go out front and buy something. 

And she had visions of us owning the three legged dog.

Fairy Tale pumpkins seemed a little anti-climactic after that.  However, she recovered rather quickly and ushered me outside, assuring me that she knew EXACTLY which pumpkin she would choose.  I could hardly wait, since I just new that the aura of supper club would no doubt greatly be enhanced with a fairy tale, princess castle pumpkin perched on my hearth, providing the perfect backdrop for steaming bowls of shrimp creole.

''

See the teensy, weensy, itty-bitty white pumpkin in the vignette above?  You'll probably have to squint real good to make it out.

That was the "perfect pumpkin".  No joke.  It fits in the palm of a three year old's hand (with lots of room to spare) and it doesn't even have a proper stem.

I couldn't help myself.  There on the patio of Whole Foods in front of God, dog rescuers, and organic produce shoppers I blubber, "But Emmie.....IT ISN'T EVEN ORANGE!!!!"

It's microscopic and albino and it has nothing to do with a fairy tale.

Just my luck, there was a total hippie next to me who turns and drawls....."I am a WHOLE CHILD psychologist, and we have a saying in my field...."

Oh great.  I brace myself.

"Follow the child," she says, panning the skies with her arms.

Seriously?  Has this woman ever even HAD a three year old?  Or a decent fall decorating scheme??  Out of a total sense of peer pressure, I followed her advice and shlepped the sorry, disappointing excuse for a pumpkin into my cart.

But I totally drew the line at the three legged, long tongued dog.