Monday, March 30, 2009

It's A Virus, and I'm a Computer Outcast

Oh, peoples!! My inability to blog on a daily basis is giving me a headache. Our faithful computer, a seven year old desktop, has contracted some dreadful disease and is dying a slow and painful death; complete with pop-ups, error messages, blank screens, and a S-L-O-W motion internet connection. I've noticed that telling people you have a computer virus is like announcing you're a leper. People cringe and throw up their hands and take two big steps backward as if creating a physical barrier will somehow ward off contamination by association. I feel rejected by the very computer community that I'm going to for help and assurance. The members of the illustrious geek squad cast their gazes downward and shake their heads in sympathy. Actually, it's more like sympathy tinged with disbelief that a humble housewife stands before them actually clinging to hope that a seven year old desktop can still somehow show signs of usefulness. I catch on pretty quick, and I'm learning to read between the lines and add my own emphasis to their advice.

They say something along these lines..."No, ma'am (you hopeless technological misfit). There really isn't much you can do at this point (to update your ridiculous relic from the past that is as fashionable in current culture as a poodle skirt or a purple polyester leisure suit). We suggest that (after forking over your very last shekel and committing to eating beans and rice for the next four decades) you consider a new computer. If this is the only computer that your entire family (all six of you who may well have crawled out from under a rock and come here by way of horse and buggy) share, then perhaps you need something with more memory and a stronger processor. This here is called a 'flat screen monitor' and it operates with accessories that all the kids now-a-days are calling 'wireless'."

And so goes my computer shopping. Thank you, Captain Computer Department Wonderful, for allowing me to leave your department with my dignity partially intact. I hadn't even divulged that I might also be interested in updating my printer, which occupies three square feet of desk space and was manufactured sometime in the early 90's. I thought some secrets were just better left kept.

Over the weekend we found The Wonder Machine we feel certain will put us on the cutting edge of technology for about twelve days, until it too becomes passe'. We came home and measured and found out that the monitor won't fit in our built in computer hutch in the homeschool room. So, we need to remodel the hutch a bit. Dread. The only thing less fun for me than shopping for a machine that I can't begin to understand is the thought of revving up a power tool to hack away at our furniture. We have two choices. We can give up the Mac, since apple doesn't make a machine that will fit in our current spot, or we can get used to the idea of a snazzy new Mac squished into a hole that has been eaten and chewed to accommodate it. We'd call it the rustic look.

So you can see that this virus imposed absence from blogging has given me lots of opportunity to chase my tail and apply circular reasoning to our most current dilemma.

All other recent news in this house pales by comparison in urgency, but here are a few small things happening around the manor recently...

Mindy got sheered. Cavaliers have beautiful coats that grow to a certain length and then stay that way, so you don't ever have to groom them if you don't want to. But every spring I like to trim her feathers and "foofs" so that she doesn't drag stuff in my house on her fluffy feet. Mindy is not thrilled with the new look and has been sulking in the corner most of the week. Hard to look grumpy when you're wearing a cute daisy bandanna, but she's doing her best.

Buzzard and his brother, Scooter, are playing on a softball team together. The team is comprised of really nice, middle aged men with middle aged knees who love to get together to have a little fun and get a little exercise. They are apparently the token middle aged knees in the league, because so far they have played against three powerhouse teams of raging early twenty-somethings who have little respect for their elders on the field. :) They've creamed us good. But the kids and I have fun showing up to cheer for our two favorite Senior Softball Studs.

If you don't currently have young boys living in your house, you may not know what a little boy sleepover looks like. T spent the night over the weekend, and it was business as usual as far as little boys were concerned. Did you know that little boys conserve space all week long by not eating fruits and vegetables so that when they get together with friends for a sleepover they can consume half their weight in Cheez Balls? And did you know that they take frequent breaks to visit the watering hole, where they each use a brand new cup from the cupboard and fill it 3/4 full to take four sips and then leave it on the counter?? It takes 500 dixie cups to fuel a good sleepover. And did you know that you can go to bed at night and rest easy because your nightstand looks something like this, and the storm troopers totally have your back while you sleep?

It's laundry day and the boys are helping by shuffling loads back and forth. I figure since I'm in a lovely "my computer is dying" mood I should just polish myself off with eighteen loads of my least favorite chore. Even laundry day has a silver lining though. My most recent load was my favorite. :)

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