Sunday, November 7, 2010

Time Is Ticking

I remember her first steps, the day of her very first birthday. I remember how shaky they were, but also how exciting. I felt sad that she was moving on to a new stage and leaving something behind, but also proud of how she was developing and how quickly she was learning. As a first time parent, I was curious to see what would come next, but that curiosity was laced with fear and an uncertainty of what the future would hold.

I remember watching her ride her first bike. I remember holding my breath, and tensing my muscles, and hoping so hard she wouldn't fall and get hurt. I wanted her to be a success, but ran along side her and held her up in case she wobbled.

We've been picking up speed ever since, and in so many ways I feel like I just can't keep up. I can't fully comprehend the depth and intensity of love and admiration that I feel for my firstborn; nor seem to tame the ever nagging sense of panic over the fact that she will soon graduate and be ready to enter yet another new season in life.

A college visit. It can't possibly be time for this. I'm pulling onto a campus in a steady rain. Crimson and golden leaves twist through the air and settle into a blanket of brilliant color on the ground. The cold and biting air is filled with the sounds of an old hymn chiming from the steeple bells. Yet another set of first steps is upon me. I'm happy, and sad, and nervous, and excited, and utterly and completely overwhelmed. But my beautiful daughter is confident and composed, eager to embrace the hope and promise of a new chapter.

I'll admit I'm not ever prepared for change when it comes to my kids. They take me by surprise every single day...the physical growth, the emotional maturity, the spiritual insight...wanting so badly to see what comes next, but never wanting to let go long enough to find out.

We tour campus, and turn in our application, and meet with advisers and coordinators and counselors. I can scarcely take it in. We end the day in the student center, indulging in a campus legend. They take a small, cast iron skillet and fill it with cookie dough. When it comes piping hot from the oven, they drizzle it with chocolate and top it with ice cream.

We gave it our best shot. We worked hard and made a good dent. It was just too much to down all at once. A few bites at a time. That's the best way to handle this whole college thing. Just a few bites at a time.

And I'm just going to have to remember to savor each bite and to trust God with......everything.

1 comment:

Sheila said...

Aww, Brooke. You're writing is so beautiful, flavored beautifully, just like your creativity in your cooking and decorating and of course, your sweet self. What you said just brings tears to my eyes.