Pillows and Blankies

Last night, every spare blanket in my house was called into service. It was a slumber party, you see, and there was tent making to be done. Agent War Zone needed a home base, and the dining room table beckoned...

Soon, enemy camp emerged...



Bedding is not always a laughing matter in this house. Linens can be serious business, not just childhood entertainment. I laughed hard this week when I read Boo Mama's description of "Stunt Pillows", which are all form and no function. I'm all about the stunt pillow. Stacks of them. I have ruffled versions on the beds, needlepoint versions on the couches, and even holiday themed versions in rubbermaid totes in my attic waiting to make their seasonal debut. Every night we have a little routine. We remove the stunt pillows from the bed, stack them neatly in the chair, and go get the sleeping pillows (which are flat and squishy and have pillowcases that don't match the bedroom) from the linen closet in the bathroom. To me, the rules are obvious and clear. You don't lay on stunt pillows, nor use them for support of any kind. Engaging in such behavior could result in creases, wrinkles, or pillow dents, and could certainly sabotage the image of a fluffy, puffy bed.


Do they think I won't notice? When I walk into the bedroom and the remote control is strewn on the quilt and the pillows are dented, do they think I don't know? That it is somehow a secret that they have mistreated the stunt pillows? There is a pillow policy here, and if it is to be laid on, leaned against, stacked up, or rested upon, it must, must, must come from the linen closet in the bathroom.


And making the bed? Don't even get me started. No amount of pillow talk can coax the Old Buzzard into practicing pillow protocol. I try to be kind, and encouraging, and offer gentle reminders, but he is a Stubborn Old Bird. And I must admit, it does give me a wicked little thrill to see the look on his face when I say things like, "Please pass the Euro-sham". Oh, how he squirms. Of course, it doesn't help that just about the time he finally manages to get a handle on the bed making routine, it's time for me to go buy a new comforter set. New stunt pillows. New rules. By the way, that would be a new comforter that is carefully removed from the bed before crawling in. If you want blankets that you can actually lay under, those can be found in the linen closet in the bathroom.


Around here, you better watch your P's (pillows) and Q's (quilts) because the pillow police could be watching...